You pretty much can't. Since it's her place she can throw you out. But you can call her bluff. The next time you don't buy her alcohol and she threatens to evict you then tell her go ahead and ask her how she would pay her bills without you. Point out exactly how much you pay, don't sugar coat anything. Let her know that without you paying the bills she would have no place to live either, so she can either get the alcohol herself or be homeless. If this doesn't work then you're stuck in the situation until you move out. Once you move out you need to just leave her be, once she hits rock bottom she will either get the help she needs or she will self destruct but that is her choice. There is no point in letting her take both of you down with her. If she goes to drive while drunk, call the local police inform them that you tried to stop her but couldn't and give them her license plate number. You can't be responsible for her possibly killing someone on the street.
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Living with an alcoholic and forced to enable?
(4 posts)-
Posted 1 year ago #
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Wow that's a tough one. You could quit buying her alcohol, or you could have her committed. If she ever threatens to kill herself weather serious or not you can use that to have her committed. It's hard to do but if ya'll care about her at all ,having her committed to a rehab center would be the greatest thing you could do for her. She will be super pissed at first but months down the road she will thank you. I know this is so frustrating. Sometime a alcoholic has to reach the bottom, what ever that is. Sometimes its losing all your friends, or becoming homeless, or ending up in jail. In my instance it was being in a car accident that rolled and my mom went thru the windshield and ended up in a tree. tha was 18 years ago and she is still somewhat disabled. But she did finally stop drinking,a couple years after that when I had her committed, she kept telling me she might as well kill herself
if I'm not going to do what she wants. It just took a couple days and I went to her town and got a court order and the sheriff picked her up and took her to the rehab hospital. She was supper pissed.Now we are the best of friends and she no longer has a drinking problem.Posted 1 year ago # -
I suggest that pay for her bills only under a lending program: she must pay you back within a certain time. She will then have to pay you back when the appointed date comes around and if she says she has no money and can't pay do the following:
You should hire someone to stick around her and follow her everywhere, and each time she buys alcohol with money, that person will come up and say that she owes you money and that she lied when she said she had no money. that person can then legally confiscate the money. In this way you are disenabling her and forcing her to pay her own bills and abstain.
Not that i know anything...
Posted 1 year ago # -
Tess, You should Do what you know in your heart is the truth. Yes move out as soon as possible financially. Or take an apartment that is less costly. Do not let her know where you and her son are staying because if you do, when she is forced out where she lives now, She will no doubt be looking to move in with you because the enabler will be missing then. What does your fiance doing about the situation? It is his mother he should make her join AA and take her to the meetings, or put her in a detox hospital run by the state. He is the one that must do it. He is the one that should do what is called tough love. I am sure that even though his mom will hate you for it now, she will praise you latter after she understands what her life was prior to the detox.
Posted 1 year ago #
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